I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
