I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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