kristin has been a bad kristin
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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