Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
