Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
