he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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