Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
