me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
