just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
