you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I pour the whiskey from now on
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
