3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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