how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
