you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Vodka?
Forever.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
