do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
