so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
