she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
