the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
