does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
