his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
