he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
