she takes plan B like it's going out of style
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
