After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
