that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
