you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
