He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
