my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
