CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
