I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
