so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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