Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
