i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think i peed on brittanys purse
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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