awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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