I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I need moral support for this bender
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sorry my hands just texted you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
