Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
