____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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