Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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