your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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