hotel room ftw
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
