I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
