I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
