I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
