I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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