OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
