my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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