I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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