Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
