she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
