how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
