when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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