oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
