I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
