stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
worst night to have a conscience
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
