Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
