oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
