Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
