i don't like sucking hair
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
